Fools of us
I spent 2019 waking up before 5:30 am for my run. Then it changed. Last year went by without a trace. I couldn’t get myself to wake up at 5 even once. Inspiration is limited and if we don’t act on it, it goes away. It was a 2-year-old tale that I was narrating with pride. You feel complete once you accept the follies. There are many to go around these days.
Every chance you get to step out is now being counted. What are these where you aren’t living fully? We remind ourselves of missed chances, lost opportunities but we don’t see the time in front of us. Apparently, you can train yourself to change. After years of fighting my own battles, I have decided to fight my mind with something more. Throw in ideas, old dreams, and relentless ideologies to fight the mind that tells me to stop every day. This mind is tired daily but I am going to fool it. It tells me you are a parent now. You don’t even have the time to eat, how will you make new things happen? Here I am, trying.
You don’t change a lot of who you are through the course of your life. And who you are through most of the day is who you are at all times. There isn’t another secret ‘you’. We fool ourselves to think that we can be different before decades pass us by. Who will invent new reasons? There is no external force, no saviours, no chances, no other lives. No one is telling you what to do. There are fewer moments of dread than realizing that this blame cannot be shifted.
This downward spiral is the mea culpa. But fooling the mind is the long-term plan.
