Making this work as a mom
Examining myself at work, at home and both at the same time.
There is a German word for the feeling of being alone in the woods, waldeinsamkeit. The literal and sublime meanings are both applicable for what this life can be. One interpretation is that you as a working mom are just doing this by yourself and the question that do you ever get out. And the other is (I can’t say it is mine) leave me alone in the woods so that I have some time to hear my own thoughts.
As I write this, the lockdown was just extended by a few weeks with a partial lift in some places in India. This still means most of our lives have already changed for the near-future and some for a considerable amount of time. These are unprecedented times for working mums (and dads) in India and around the world. They are facing new and complex challenges as a community in the wake of COVID-19. Finishing work tasks, home-schooling their children, and fulfilling house responsibilities — all at once.
Even before a pandemic gripped the world, LinkedIn’s Opportunity Index suggests more working mothers in India cite education background, gender, and lack of confidence as the top 3 barriers that hold them back. Working mothers are nearly 30% more likely to think ‘a lack of confidence’ stops them from achieving opportunities when compared to working fathers in India. Family commitments, lack of support and unable to keep up with technology changes daunt working moms across APAC. Findings also show that working mothers are 35% more likely to face a lack of support and family commitment issues as compared to working fathers in APAC.
All this, and yet we want to shine through our jobs and make a difference. The pressure is immense as working mothers experience this in India and everywhere else.
And I came across this quote in humour, that might summarise this funnily enough to be true, “If you want something done, give it to the busiest person you know.” That quote sounds high-functioning and it is, as that is an underlying pressure that we carry with ourselves.
What that means is that as working mothers, we are not always aware of how hard we are working, our worries about children’s education, health, and the list goes on. I came back to work from my maternity leave 3 years ago, and I often remind myself of how anxious I was then which was unusual for me. I had questioned how I would ever get anything done in my life. I don’t have to try too hard to remember, since that anxiety says hello in different ways even now. As a young parent, and in this shutdown, I have understood deeply that early education and schooling are more about childcare than we realise. I possibly underestimated this, like many other things.
I am fortunate to work in a company such as LinkedIn, where we have the undeniable support through our company culture, our executive leadership and management teams, that allows us to understand and recognise this. It made me think about some of the things we might take for granted because our barriers might force us to think differently.
Let’s not confuse a quest for balance with a lack of ambition. Working moms continue to look for a fulfilling career path that helps them juggle various responsibilities. They are more likely to be actively searching for a new career path, and a rewarding job that offers work-life balance.
There is more motivation than we assume. In spite of these challenges, working moms are more optimistic about overcoming barriers in comparison to working dads in India. In India, fewer working mothers think ‘lack of networking’ is a difficult barrier to overcome, when compared to other groups. Working mothers find a way to keep themselves engaged and relevant even though the avenues for outreach and opportunities might be limited to them due to circumstances.
I cannot agree more as I see this with so many accomplished, dedicated women who are colleagues, entrepreneurs and more while managing their role as mothers.
And I go back to where I started; being alone in the woods is true for most of us and whichever way we see it, we can be more honest and transparent. Our teams, companies and the network around us, can provide that support and sometimes, what you might need is simply more time and flexibility.
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While this is written in the context of Mother’s Day, and from my personal experience as a mother, this is not meant to exclude or undermine challenges faced by either parent or even a guardian in this environment. What can we do as colleagues and leaders (women and men alike) to make this better?
Originally published on my LinkedIn profile here: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/making-work-mom-srividya-gopani/
